This was supposedly an ode to my earliest influence, Shannen Doherty. But as we both grow old, her being crazy and me just growing, she suddenly look ‘unappetizing.’ I would still love her had she been more uncrazy, and yeah, sober.. Hate her lips right now actually..

Growing up I was looking for an influence, an inspiration. Yeah there are a lot of amazing and gorgeous movie stars out there. But no one seemed to fit my liking… until this certain star came along.

We shall call her, Star Wick.

For years now, I have been idolizing her. For years now, i am enthralled by her beauty. Yes, enthralled and beauty will be used in the same sentence, if only to describe her. I haven’t got hundreds of photos of her, but this one photo is forever etched in my envious brain. Gawd she is so pretty.. and cool, to top it at that.

She is the flutist and pianist for Ozma, a band from California that my sister introduced to me. See how cool she is. They’ve disbanded and now they are back together again.. Thing is, unless they have a gig in Asia, that’s the only time i would get to see them.. Unless, for some cosmic universal bomb reverse whatever thinggy, i can see them on a live set, anywhere that would happen to be.

Anyway, amongst all the lay-dehs i admire most, she’s the one i most wanted to be.. Like what they say in MTV, “Why Can’t I Be You?”. Argshhh… She is almost everything that i want to be. Almost, because i still want me to be a part of me, plus looking like her. get me?

I’m blabbing. And I love her.

Never had something this good for a long time….

The sweets i mean, not Went. lol. My friend is making them, and honestly once you get a bite off it, you would go have some more.. and i mean a whole lot more.

Sorry to all the men in the world, but yeah basketball is a woman’s game, too. I am so glad Playoff season is here.. I get to see more of my boys.

My dad’s heart is breaking right now. Love you Barbosa, but Spurs gotsa wins : )

Here comes Manu. 6th man is my best man.

You are amazingly good, Barbosa. I love you but as i’ve said, Spurs gotsa win… and also, you’re breaking my heart with how well you play.

Raja Bell… I will see you next season, doll.

(L-R: Allen, KG and Pierce)
For years and years and years now, Rey Allen.. you are soooo good.. and mighty fine. lol. And you were funny when you visited Conan O’Brien. : )

…Sorry guys, but yeah, aside from how mighty fine my three musketeers above are, i really really like these men because of how good they are on court and off court as well.

Warning: This is yet again another entry about my office crush.

On a pool party last weekend my good friend, Blaise, was asking me about my office crush. But then a few minutes after, she was telling me in an ironically friendly disdainful tone how slow I was with the whole thing. My eyes grew wide and asked her why? Why do I have to make the first move to put my one sided so-called love affair to the next level?

She then referred to my latest Multiply blog. That there I was professing my “undying love” to a man who doesn’t even know anything about me. So why can’t I go ask his name and ask him out, she asked.

You see in my ideal world, I will never ask a guy for anything, in a romantic setting anyways. I have always believed that guys have the balls to ask for a girl’s name, number and a date. I in return have already given him a smile, raised my eyebrows and a whole lotta glances. Apparently those weren’t enough for my office crush to know that I like him. But that’s all I have for him. I will not, not now or ever, go out to their work area, ask for his name or number. That’s just how it is for me.

We would be transferring to another office space in time and I will see him less when that happens. I would miss passing by their area and see his super messy hair, the only thing I see from his cubicle when I pass by, hehe. I would also miss the excitement I feel every time I pass their area and see if he is in or is absent for the day.

Ever since December last year, I have been silently praying for office crush to ask my name when I was finally sure he do notices me. During the company Christmas party I was by myself in the side stage watching the performing band when he stood beside me to “purposely” talk to his friends. And just recently I saw him looking at me through the reflection in our boss’ glass door. Ahhh, petty things, : (.

As I’ve said I have been praying for office crush to ask for my name. What I had in return was someone else from their team asking me for my name, some side comments and remarks I am sure that were about me when I pass by their area, and pitiful almost empty stares coming from office crush. He’s really good in showing that he doesn’t care I exist. Office crush, I am getting mixed signs from you.

So until I transfer office, I have to put up with the whole idea of me liking him and him not knowing anything.

- Hoku

I recently celebrated my 25^th birthday (woohoo!). Personally, the best holidays ever invented are Christmas and my birthday. I love celebrating these two special days.

Christmases have always been special to me. It is a big event for our small family. We all meet up in my Lola’s house on Christmas day and have a special luncheon. Grown-ups would do tsismisan in the kitchen, while the kids spread out on the living floor playing with their brand new toys. Our clan’s Christmas was also an inspiration in one short story I wrote last year. That’s how special this holiday is for me.

The other big occasion, which is my birthday, is another super important day, well at least for me. There never was a year that I did not celebrate my birthday. When I was younger my mom would prepare a simple sal­o-salo for me and my friends. I never did celebrate my birthday in McDonald’s, but it was ok. I never wanted one anyway. Ever since, I have always seen my birthday as an intimate gathering than a commercial thing. It is an occasion where my mom would prepare only her best dishes and where she would use her best china’s. McDonald’s doesn’t have those, right? The only time we foregone with this was when I celebrated my 18^th birthday in the same place where my folks had their wedding reception. –Gawd I am such a sentimental freak. I realize. Lol. And the time my birthday fell on a Good Friday, but my good friends gave me a surprise party on a Holy Monday though and it was so much fun.

Supposedly I would celebrate my birthday eve in the office, that could’ve been the first time but since it is a “big event” for me, I didn’t want to. I checked in by 12:30am though and stayed a little longer than I had to, hehe.

When I got home there was no electricity in the neighborhood, apparently some drunk truck driver crashed on a pole, to my sister’s dismay. Its summer and it was super hot. My mom asked me to go with her to the supermarket than suffer from the heat. I badly wanted to sleep but it was my birthday so no, I don’t want to miss out on my day.

It was nice spending some quality mother and daughter time in the grocery, aside from she gets to pay for the food items, hehe. Nowadays it’s rare that we get to go out. I’m sleeping during the day and she works harder than ever. So it was a pleasant day in the supermarket with her, which was a surprise. No harsh words, no miscommunication, no shouting, just a fun ride to the market.

Another surprise was when I heard mass with sister in our parish. I started to cry during communion to her amusement. I tried to fight the tears though but my eyes just started to swell. Everything was overwhelming that I wasn’t able to contain it.

Then I had my birthday dinner with just my dad, my mom and my sister. My older brother went earlier to work, so it was just the four of us and that was the first time that I celebrated my birthday with just us, no friends, no guests, just us. My mom made Tuna Pasta, Mixed Mushrooms in Oyster Sauce and her special homemade hamburger. Then we had a small Dulce de Leche birthday cake and some ice cream. My dad started to sing “Happy Birthday”, and no it wasn’t sweet, he just wanted to eat the cake, hehe.

Yehess, I am 25, I am sentimental and I cry easily and I also had the perfect birthday.

- Ben Lee

The past weeks are passing by too quickly. As the cliché goes, it passes by like a thief in the night. Getting to you and not knowing anything.

I had a plan and I was counting down the days until I get to do it. I was about to leave for somewhere when something big just had to appear in my midst. Something I just can’t say ‘no’ to.

My boss is pregnant and about to give birth in a couple of weeks. It is amazing how women can stick up the big guns, you know? She has been working like crazy, even in insane hours. But everyone knows that she has to have her break, take a leave and have her rest. We were just fooling ourselves into believing that she is Superwoman who can take us to the promise land, but no. She has to have a break. And then the biggest surprise came to my working life. I was offered a once in a lifetime opportunity, to head a big project while she is out.

I am not sure if I can handle a huge responsibility just like that. I could have peed in my pants if my bosses weren’t in front of me explaining what was happening. I would be taking over a big project and I have never been a manager my whole life. I am scared to death that I will fail.

My fears may have come from one incident when I helped out a younger gen of college student government a few years back. My former professor from our college talked to me and compared me with the presidents who came before and after me. She made me feel like the worst leader that ever headed our college. What she said remained in my head, like a little voice reminding me that I wasn’t a good leader.

People had been reassuring me though that they wouldn’t give me the role if they think I can’t hack it. But the way I see it, it’s different. It’s in the different light. I told my immediate superior that it’s daunting. I know for a fact that I am good around people but that does not necessarily mean I can be a good boss, you know? Plus school is different from work.

The big surprise isn’t even a week old in my system and it hasn’t sunk in as well. I would be leading a big project and I don’t know anything about managing. I am deathly afraid that 1) I would get bullied by older people, 2) they would expect so much from me, 3) that they expect that I will be good worse, better, 4) and that I would fail them.

Only a few knows about my dilemma. I still haven’t got the chance to talk to any of my close friends. I’m still in denial that I am about to have a huge responsibility in my hand. What’s eating me more also is the burning question: Is it worth it? Putting my plans on hold for something that I have never done before?

And to have an early taste of managing, I was asked to join a business trip in El Nido, Palawan, something my travel buds and I only dream of going for a time now. It may not be that bad after all…

And I am still in denial.

I have past 3000 songs in my iPod and I have to say a lot of the songs remain un-played. I have a diverse list of songs and I don’t discriminate, men, women, bands, rock, indie, hiphop, boybands, girlbands, house, jazz, blues, country, German artists, Swedes and more. I have The Beatles to the Strokes, Take That to Spice Girls, Celine Dion to Feist, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to Flo Rida and more. But I was still looking for more. For me, I feel like I have it all but not really? You know?

I don’t discriminate but I listen more to my favorites a lot, which are garage rock, indie music and some Pinoy bands. But there are times listening to my music feels so sad. The lyrics are sad, the tempo is sad. I wanted to have happier songs. Then I decided to give disco music a try. I downloaded as much Rod Stewart music as I could, Gloria Gaynor’s and the like. I have to admit I felt like dancing and they made me happy for a time or every time I listen to them. And as the days passed by I downloaded songs and artists that I really don’t listen to. Just to have something new. I asked around in the office what music they listen to, took note of what songs jeepney and MRT passengers sing, what songs are playing in popular radio stations, what music videos they play in MTV and [V].

I listened and I watched but I realized I keep coming back to what I really love. I love what I love. I love sad songs and sad lyrics. The type that kind of begs and asks for love, you know? It’s funny that I’m neither heartbroken nor in love. I just love singing to lyrics and music like that. I find kick in hearing beautiful voices and “begging” songs.

There’s this local band in here that I just adore and who fits my liking, they’re Moonstar88. I was there when they were just starting and now they are huge, and to my amazement I’m friends with them. It has been years now since I met Kuya Bert, the band’s guitarist and lyricist. He was then our college’s president when I met him. And I just want to share to the world that I survived college with the help of Kuya Bert, I don’t think he knows it but he knows how much I idolized him though.

Anyway, as I’ve told you I love sad music and sad lyrics. Moonstar88 just happened to fill in my criteria of music to love. There are times that I listen to them and start to sing so loud, meaning every word that is coming out of my mouth, while surfing, on long drives, when I want to fall asleep and more. Funny thing is the band is a bunch of happy people, I personally think that they are neither a depressed bunch nor the elusive kind. More than anything they are super friendly and nice. But why do they come up with the songs that I usually listen to? Sad music and sad lyrics?

Then it hit me. I love sad music, sad lyrics and… love songs. There it is. They make great love songs and what makes them (MS88) more special is when they have Filipino songs. Somehow every song seems and feels more real when sung in Filipino. There is a level that instantly connects you with the song.

Usually when I go out of town, I make a playlist to listen to on the way there or something for the beach while getting a tan, or whatever just to hum along to. Like my Banawe Rice Terraces song is “Coffee and TV” by Blur, for some reason my Sagada song is “Postcards from Italy” by Beirut, my Siargao song is “Day 3” by Explosions in the Sky.

The other night when I can’t sleep in our lovely resort room in El Nido, I grabbed my iPod and hit shuffle. Some songs just miss it, the whole point, the whole trip, you know what I mean? That’s why I just go back to what I love. Right there I made my playlist, “Migraine” and “Senti” both by Moonstar88, just those two songs and it made me happy while singing:

Oo nga pala
Hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako
Nangangarap na mapa sa’yo
- Migraine

My attempt to translate this to English (Sorry to the band):
I realized
We are not together
And this is until where I can be
Wishing to be yours

And,

Sinabi mo
Huwag kitang iwan

Ayaw mo mag-isa

Ok lng sa akin abutin man ng umaga

Lahat ay gagawin para ka lang mapasaya

- Senti

(Note: Senti wasn’t written by the band but was covered really well, as in really really well)

Again my attempted translation:
You told me
Not to leave you and
You don’t want to be alone
I will do just everything for you to be happy

Somehow sad songs, sad lyrics, and sad meanings make me happy. Ironic I know, but that’s how me likey. Not thinking but feeling.

A sneak peek of heaven and eggs, uhrm, heaven on earth, i mean.

Photo cred to Cedric Valera

A couple of weeks back my friends and I decided to steal a one weekend getaway in Anawangin Cove in Zambales. Ced has been there with his photog and travel enthusiast friends. He told us that we would love the place as well. Jage, Irene and I don’t need much convincing to go. They’ve seen the photos Ced took while I just needed a quick getaway. My pasty color is resurfacing, an indicator that I needed to be seen by the sun.

I had already brought in my bag to the office one night before our actual getaway. My officemates were asking me where the hell will I go again. It’s funny that by now they are used to me bringing stuff in the office and heading somewhere far away from Manila a few hours after. So there, even before our clock hit 6am, I grabbed my bag and started walking towards our usual meeting place, a petrol station along Julia Vargas in Ortigas which was just a few walk away from our building.

It was unusual for Ced to be late, well he was a little late and we were a little early, woohoo for us. But all was well as we loaded up the car and made our way to the highly praised Anawangin Cove in Zambales.

I wasn’t able to view all the photos in Ced’s site so I really had no idea where we are going. But to my head, they are all the same, sand, sea and sun. No problem there for me. Besides, it isn’t my first time to set camp by the beach. With that in my head and my sleeping time violated, I took the back seat and started to lull myself under Jage’s caring.

A few hours later we were already in Pampanga where we had breakfast. With my monstrous appetite, I just ordered for the heck of ordering. Not one food suits the other, fried chicken, local noodle dish, hot choco and a cheeseburger. It was all on a haze. I ate then went back to sleep. It was when I woke up the second time that I realized I was yucky. Haha.

By the second time I woke up we were already somewhere in the vicinity of Zambales and by now it was a pretty familiar place for us to go. I knew exactly the route, the every turns.  Now I was so excited to see Anawangin, partly because I was so looking forward in sleeping under the stars and by the beach.

We parked in a resort in the mainland island and took a boat that will take us to the cove. Nearing the place, I saw a stretch of white sand, a few campers and to my surprise, pine trees! There were pine trees! One area of the cove where lined with tents already and we found problem with that because we were.. uhm, discriminating people, haha, kidding! We were a noisy gang of four and we may interrupt their weekend.

We found a neat camp spot underneath four pine trees. We were in between the river and the sea. We set our camp and claimed our domain. Our kitchen was quaint, our receiving area is huge, and our bathroom is way even bigger! Haha. We had our lunch after setting up the camp and rested. And prepared for dinner afterwards.

Work has been a source of stress lately. Big Boss is calling us to work at ungodly hours; worst reporting in different times was driving me crazy. The past weeks my work hours are causing me headache. But as soon as I took a seat in front of the waters, I just wanted to wash away my troubles. I sat there thinking of nothing not knowing what is there for me the next weeks ahead.

But for just one night, I washed my worries aside and I was able to breathe. I wanted my worries, both with my family and my work to go away so badly. I sat there and waited for the stars. A few minutes later Ced and Jage joined me. Ced took photos while Jage and I started to talk. We laughed, we talked, we made jokes and we were sitting underneath millions of stars. I missed my friends so much and everything that night was just perfect…

Except that we do not have a shot glass with us, so we just took a swig on the long neck brandy we had, which by the way was a bad idea. *winks*

This is in relation with my monster appetite. We had a pit stop at a Jollibee branch somewhere north of the Philippines, I think it was a Pampanga stop, before we head for Anawangin in Zambales. I had been sleeping since I occupied Ced’s backseat a few hours before. And yeah, before i knew it we were in front of a happy bee.

What i don’t understand is why? why do i have a monstrous appetite?! Goodness!

1 pc Chickenjoy
1 serving of Palabok (a local noodle dish)
1 cup hot cocoa
1 pc Cheeseburger
an extra serving of gravy

It was awful! Nothings fits! Not one food taste good with the other. Worst, nothing was left on my plate. Awful! Awful!